There are so many moments that I forget that I have cancer- not totally surprising since I haven’t had anything done yet except for the 3 biopsies on the right breast. But I am pleased to say that I am able to forget that this is hanging over me especially when I am with my daughters and their families, laughing at the antics of my grandsons. The lively conversations and activity make me feel so normal and vibrant. Then there are other times when I am counseling someone and able to be fully present with their pain and confusion. Or the times when my husband, David says something outrageously funny and the laughing and joking makes me feel lighthearted without a care in the world. I really do forget at moments like these that I have cancer. I am so grateful that this can happen. But then unease sets in and I can’t shake the feeling of a Damocles who ate dinner at the court of Dionysius with a sword hanging over his head by the single hair of a horse’s tail. The thought ominously glistens above my head, “you have cancer”. Wow that’s scary”. “I could have gone longer without that realization to sober me up” or worse yet, “why? After all I am (was) a healthy woman who had regular mammograms and no family history”.
But then I am reminded that we live in a fallen world where sickness and tragedy hit so many with far more intense and terrifying force than anything I will ever experience. And many, many will experience that hardship with far less support and love than I am receiving. And if it has anything to do with who is deserving of good fortune well count me out for I have already had more than my share. So, here is what I believe from the scriptures which life seems to accurately validate: “The rain falls on the just and the unjust” (Matthew 5:45) and so does the drought. The promise we have is that Jesus is with us through it all. I don’t want to come across super spiritual or strong because I am not naive. This will be a journey with pain and discouragement that will possibly provoke reactions that I will be less than proud of. But for today I am going to go with gratefulness for the prayers and love from others and “God’s peace that transcends all understanding” (Phil. 4:7).