Note:

Dona passed away a year ago this month. Many times, I have opened the laptop to write a blog entry, hoping to honor her memory, not to mention the effort she put into this blog, and to share something that might help the bereaved. But all my reflections seemed like way too much navel gazing, self-centered self-expression too personal to be used by others. So, I’m taking another approach. I intend to capture what other people have said, or written, that helped me these past 12 months of grief.  For the next several posts, I list my top five quotes about various aspects of the grief journey that were in some ways healing. Please share your own in the comment section. 

One

Is there any phrase more useless than, ‘If only?’

– Anonymous

Two

It is what it is.

The dozen members of my bereavement group all agreed that this was a helpful statement.  What does it mean for the widowed?  Face the circumstances and your loss head on.

Three

Unlike some faith traditions, or the Greek Stoics, Christianity finds nothing particularly noble about suffering – it should not be welcomed.  Yet, unlike secularism, Christianity teaches that suffering can be meaningful…… Keller (1)

Difficult times loosen my tie to this world and bring me closer to the Lord.  Only suffering can pry me from this world and its pleasures.  Moo (2)

However, and………………..

Four

It struck me that the Christian hope has a lot to do with this life but ultimately because it is part and parcel of a tangible, transformative, redemptive eternal life.  Distinct personal beings like a “real distinct you” and a “real distinct me” are transformed and in communion with a tangible God in His trinity with absolutely no loss of our distinctive selves. I want this kind of hope- A hope that goes beyond this life. Because whatever spiritual practice we do or whatever medical intervention helps us we will all eventually die. We do not possess ultimate power to stop certain forces at work that threaten to undo us. But we can rely with hope on the One who holds all things in his Hand and whose purposes though inscrutable at times are at the same time meant for our good.  So, why not really hope big. Hope with a capital H that carries us into an eternal glorious future while we wait out patiently the infinite glory of God to be revealed in us and in this world and the world to come.

– Dona Eley  See The Friendly Chanter – Dona’s Blog (donaeley.blog)

Five

I am reminded that we live in a fallen world where sickness and tragedy hit so many with far more intense and terrifying force than anything I will ever experience. And many, many will experience that hardship with far less support and love than I am receiving.  And if it has anything to do with who is deserving of good fortune well count me out for I have already had more than my share.  So, here is what I believe from the scriptures which life seems to accurately validate: “The rain falls on the just and the unjust” (Matthew 5:45) and so does the drought.  The promise we have is that Jesus is with us through it all. I don’t want to come across super spiritual or strong because I am not naive. This will be a journey with pain and discouragement that will possibly provoke reactions that I will be less than proud of. But for today I am going to go with gratefulness for the prayers and love from others and “God’s peace that transcends all understanding” (Phil. 4:7).

• Dona Eley (See It’s not the Sword of Damocles – Dona’s Blog (donaeley.blog)

For 8 long years of aggressive cancer treatment Dona clung to this great truth and this great Hope; a hope in a particular truth that has sustained so many in this tough, beautiful world.

(1) Keller, Timothy (2016) Making Sense of God, p.74

(2) Moo, Douglas (2000) The NIV Application Commentary: Romans (see commentary on Romans 5:3-5)